he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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