That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
