feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
