My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
