it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
