ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This house was built for laser tag.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry about my life...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
