Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
