that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you would pick up someone in the library
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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