That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
