Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
