if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
