i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
