hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
