So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
