Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
