i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's blow job season.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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