she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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