um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
