it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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