dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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