Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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