just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
