Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
