this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
