Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
