the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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