I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
