Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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