East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
