I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
