he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and you fell through a lawn chair
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
