Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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