I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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