i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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