Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
