Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
