fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
