Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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