I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
