Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
