im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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