he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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