Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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