We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
