I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
