I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
