nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
