Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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