apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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