you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
